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Doc Muchopeso leaves his home.
It's early morning at Rose Bay.
He's on his way to distant Rome,
his gait peculiar, 'cause he's gay.
The conference, to look at screening.
The masses need to be protected.
You may well ask what is the meaning
of screening, also who elected
that you and I need to be zapped,
and probed and groped inside and out
to find diseases. Aren't you apt
to look at normal things and shout:
'Well, here it is, condition urgent,
you have a flatum in your gut,
we need to quickly call the surgeon.
What will he do? I'd rather not
do any guessing in this matter,
but I assure you things are bad!
Your fatty cells are getting fatter,
you would be dead now if you had
ignored our timely call to act
and check you thoroughly today.
So few of you do know the fact,
that medicine can make you stay
alive beyond your wildest dreams.
And all you have to do is pay
for our service. If it seems
expensive, it is worth the fee.
Just think about it, would you be
asleep at night, instead of fretting,
if no one had inspected you?
And ain't it nice to know you're getting
a tube shoved up into your poo?
What we provide is stellar service,
we have the tools to study things.
So take advantage, don't be nervous
and see what test results it brings.
And just between us, we insist
that ev'ry soul must be deep-screened.
You would not want to have a cyst
that started up when you were weaned,
to helter-skelter turn to cancer,
all just because you did not see
that we provide the crucial answer
to what you are and what you'll be.
Okay, I will concede that if
we do find nasties in your system,
(and don't go jumping off a cliff) ,
because your other doctor missed them.
We label them and give them names,
then have you start the roller-coaster,
which does include some clever games
involving CHEMO and the TOASTER.
The TOASTER is our X-machine,
it radiates your DNA.
The doctor hides behind the screen,
that way his cells remain okay.
And, as to show you that we care,
we'll give you chemo, dose extreme.
It's quite expensive and you fare
no better here than with the beam
of radium, but just compare:
Since you have access to inventions
of Med'cines biggest weaponry,
you won't depart without attention!
The side effects? They say shit happens,
it is expected that you do
participate in MODERN DEATH.
You can't just sit there 'til you're blue,
suggested reading is MacBeth.
Before I go, let me re-hash,
you need to follow this procedure.
Before you die and turn to ash
you can become a main role feature,
you start with simple tests at first,
gray hair and wrinkles make a start,
and months before your bubble bursts
you check the rest, it is an art.
Toenails and freckles, skinfold creases,
shortness of breath when climbing stairs,
twice daily samples of your faeces,
assess the curl of pubic hairs.
All simple tests are done, so that
you really get value for money.
To know what I am getting at
I have to tell you something funny.
The mammogram is recommended
to women of most ages, yes.
Its rationale staunchly defended,
yet it provides not more but LESS.
For every ten saved by detection
through early screening of both breasts,
you start to add to the collection
five NEW MALIGNANCIES, the rest
apparently are free to go,
their bill of health from Mr. Screen,
in contrast to rogue cells that grow
in those five guinea pigs who caught
the cancer bug that can't be seen
at this stage, but it's WHAT THEY BOUGHT!
So, if you worry 'bout how just
it is to screen and cause new cancers,
complain to God about your bust,
we're giving you appropriate answers.
And, to those altruistic FIVE
I DO say THANKS, how very kind!
Because of five, ten are alive.
And out of sight is out of mind.
Herbert Nehrlich
Read poems about / on: funny, thanks, money, women, rose, hair, home, death, dream, woman
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