Thomas E. Spencer
I vas all der country hunting for a man I vants to meet,
I vas bursting me to schlog him on der cop.
If mine hand I vonce can on him lay, I'll hit him mit mine feet
‘Till he'll neffer know vhich side of him vas top.
He vas "Dandy Pat from Ballarat", mit mighty gifts of gab,
Und he got me to insure me for mine house.
Put, py shinks, if I comes down on him, I'll schlog him mit a schlab
Till he von't some more tricks play mit Schneider Strauss.
I vas built mine house mit packing cases, roofed him in mit tin,
Mit a gutter for der vater, und a shpout;
Und suppose some leetle cracks der vas, vat let der vind come in,
Dere vas lots of pigger vons to let it out.
So efery night I drunk mine pipe und smoked mine lager peer,
Und I felt shoost most ash happy ash a mouse;
Till von efening apout two o'clock, a voice falls on mine ear,
Und it said, "Vas you dat man called Schneider Strauss?"
Und der voice vas dat insurance man. He coomed und sat him down
On a candle box, und talked like eferythings;
Py der vay der vords fell out of him, you'd bet a half-a-crown
Dat his tongue vas on a see-saw vorked mit shprings.
Und he talked apout insurances, und told me I could get
Lots of money if a fire purnt down mine house,
So I paid him down two pound ker-splash, und says to him,
Dat you von't find no plowflies catch on Schneider Strauss.
Dat insurance man he gafe me, vat you call, "a polisee",
Und I nearly laughed mine sides out mit der yoke.
In apout a veek, or sefen days - mine house -
Oh, vere vas he?
He vas gone; und dere vas notings left but smoke.
So der Gompany I vent to see, to get mine leetle bill,
Und I promised me a yolly big carouse;
But like forty tousand tons of boulders falling down a hill,
Did der troubles tumble down on Schneider Strauss.
Vhen der Gompany I seen he asked me vhat I was apout?
Und I told him I vas coomed to get some tin.
Put, he called a pig policeman und shouted "Roon him out."
Dey put me on a canvas suit, dey cut me off mine hair,
In some vater cold like ice, dey made me souse;
Und der shtones I vas preaking opp for six months, you can schvear
Dey vas not so bad proke up as Schneider Strauss.
Und mine house vas gone to plazes, und mine money vas gone too;
Dat insurance man - vhere he vas - who can tell?
Und mine polisee - mine lots of tin - vas gone clean oop der flue.
It vas turned to shmoke, und dat vas gone ash well.
Put, I vant dat nice insurance man, to schlog him on der cop,
If I dropp on him he'll vish he vas a mouse,
For I'll turn his outsides inside, till I bet I'll make him shtop
Playing paddymelon tricks mit Schneider Strauss.
Thomas E. Spencer's Other Poems
Read this poem in other languages
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
Comments about this poem (Schneider Strauss by Thomas E. Spencer )
(March 26, 1874 – January 29, 1963)
(16 August 1920 – 9 March 1994)
(4 April 1928 - 28 May 2014)
(7 May 1861 – 7 August 1941)
(31 October 1795 – 23 February 1821)
(26 April 1564 - 23 April 1616)
(12 July 1904 – 23 September 1973)
(01 January 1950)
(10 December 1830 – 15 May 1886)
- Daffodils, William Wordsworth
- Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, Robert Frost
- The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost
- If You Forget Me, Pablo Neruda
- No Man Is An Island, John Donne
- Still I Rise, Maya Angelou
- Fire and Ice, Robert Frost
- All the World's a Stage, William Shakespeare
- And Death Shall Have No Dominion, Dylan Thomas
- If, Rudyard Kipling
Poem of the Day
- Rainfall, hafiz qasim
- Reading Elizabeth Bishop's Poem 'Insomnia', Merton Lee
- A language, a race, gajanan mishra
- Reality And Unimagination..., Frank James Ryan Jr...FjR
- Smile, hafiz qasim
- Soldiers' Living Tomb, Ima Ryma
- Winter In The Wind, Tony Adah
- Barren Moon, Esther Ukeh
- Unrest Soul: Churches After Christ Death, Onyekachukwu Vincent Onyeche
- Weak in Nature, hafiz qasim