Schizophrenia Poem by Rebecca Paul

I’m anxious.
Can’t think straight.
Thoughts are scattered like
Pieces of paper.
Paranoia is grasping my mind,
Stinging my eyes with tears.
Where do I go?
Do I stay home?
I’m so bored but dangerously so.
Crazy ideas form into plans.
No! Don’t. Won’t.
Anxiety is tugging at my lungs.
Breathing is rapid, labored.
Shivering so hard I sweat.
Don’t want to be alone.
Irritated by my peers though.
All the music is angry,
Shouting, loud, heart-hammering.
I love it.
Love this feeling of complete chaos
But I’m so in need.
The entire day is spent.
No time left.
Only sleep to look
Forward to.
I can’t! There must be
More!
No. There isn’t.
You’re alone.
And no one is there
To save you.
No, I’m not!
I need someone to talk to…
You have me.
You’re not real!
As real as you are.
The voice is in my head.
Nails digging into my arms like
There are bubbles trying to
Break through the surface.
Stare down at past scars.
Adrenaline is preparing me for
A night of fun and adventure.
Only to endure neither.
Loneliness. Emptiness.
Screams tear through my
Throat but I refuse to let them
Free. Can’t calm down.
No.