Scared Of Myself Poem by Raya McManus

Oh how I wish it would end
All of the sceraming
That you all do when I'm
In that deep sleep state of dreaming.

Try as I do to drown out the screaming
Of all of you with my syncronized snoring
And I'm too self-centered and spastic
To open my eyes to the signs of warning.

Those signs of warning
That you put up clear enough for me to see
They're saying that I'm hating who I'm becoming
A spastic-self-centered-b! tch, not quite like I used to be.

I wanted to be different
Then that girl I knew a year ago
But I think I took it too far
Because I've become someone I do not know.

I'm Scaring myself
Maybe even more then I'm scaring any of you
I'm so scared, I need some help
Because I have no idea what to do.

I hate my life, I whisper to myself
As i stare at the cieling, While Lieing on my back
Then i begin to write you a love note
But i only get three words in, before everything went black,
I Am Sorry.....

November 17/08