Says Old Charlie Chan Poem by Dr Ronnie Bai

To prepare his grandson to fight
One day ‘gainst supremacist white,
Says old Charlie Chan: “We people
Are far superior to th’ white devil.

We loathe all wars and hate violence,
As shown by our bamboo chopsticks,
Against the silver forks and knives
Treasured by their aggressive wives.

We use them t’ gently handle well cooked
Shredded meat with vegies finely chopped;
They use them t’ bayonet rare chops,
Pitch forking them to th’ bloody gobs.

Physically, too, they’re lesser
Still vastly unevolved creature ─
Guys are as hairy as cavemen;
Ladies hide up their legs unshaven.

We’ve got perfect dark hair and eyes;
They’ve got all sorts of strange colours ─
Devils’ advocates incarnate
Should be caged behind the zoo’s gate

And most unchristian-like of all,
They love doing as animal
The coupling mounting from behind.
Oh, sorry t’ confuse your young mind,

But grandma and I are still trying
To do the late night researching.”