Santa's Greatest Gift Poem by Bob LazzarAtwood

The young physician smiled and motioned Santa to a seat,

He had finished his exam and the results were now complete,

And he paused to give some thought to how his words should be arranged,

Then he said to Santa grimly “Sir, it’s time to make a change.”



Then he listed all the problems that had come to his attention

From the weight and bad cholesterol to chronic hypertension

And he said to Santa bluntly “Your poor heart has done it’s best,

But if you don’t change your ways it's going to blow up in your chest.”



Well Santa sat there stunned and calmly asked what he should do,

And the doctor thought of several things but focused on just two,

“First you have to change your diet, cut the sugar and the fat,

Try to eat more fruits and vegetables, your heart will welcome that.”



“And secondly, more exercise is needed right away,

Once a year just doesn't cut it, you should get some every day,

You're a hero to our children and a legend to us all,

But your story's going to end unless you heed this wake-up call.'



As Santa trudged back home his thoughts were solely on the children

And their empty Christmas stockings if he wasn’t there to fill them

And it broke his heart to think that he could someday let them down,

So he vowed right there and then to try and turn his life around.



In the morning he rose early and got started right away,

Traded in his stack of pancakes for a bowl of Special K,

And he grabbed the jug of eggnog and took one last blessed drink,

Then he eulogized the rest and sadly poured it down the sink.



When he finished with his meal he took a jog around his shop

And it strained his legs and lungs but he ignored the urge to stop,

Then he pealed away his clothes and grabbed a Toy World magazine,

And collapsed inside his sauna to massage himself with steam.



As the days and weeks went by he sometimes craved forbidden treats,

For his workshop was a haven of intoxicating sweets,

But he’d think about those kids and see them frowning in his head,

And it always gave him strength to choose a healthy snack instead.



Then magically and steadily the weight began to melt

So Mrs. Claus took in his pants and made more holes along his belt

And Santa's heart began to pound with a rejuvenated beat

As he grew healthier in spirit and much lighter on his feet.



Meanwhile, thanks to Google Earth, the news began to leak,

As a clip of Santa jogging logged a million views a week,

And his face soon graced the covers of “Men’s Fitness” and “GQ, ”

While the stores began to carry Santa jogging suits and shoes.



As Christmas time approached the elves were also quite surprised,

By this energetic Santa who was half his former size,

And his loving wife saw glimpses of the man she used to know,

When they met as youthful dreamers several hundred years ago.



On a whim she searched the attic and she found to her delight,

The suit that she had made him for his first official flight,

He had rapidly outgrown it all those centuries before,

But now, as she predicted, it fit handsomely once more.



So on Christmas Eve he wore it and his heart was filled with pride,

Not so much for how he looked but for the way he felt inside,

Mrs. Claus was leaking tears as Santa kissed her on the cheek,

And she mouthed the words 'I love you' too emotional to speak.



Then he bounded out the door and quickly jumped up on his sled

As the elves were cheering wildly for their dashing man in red,

Then he signaled to his reindeer and he cracked his thunderous whip,

And the snow and ice exploded as they flew off on their trip.



Well that Christmas Eve turned out to be a record-breaking ride

As Santa scurried down those chimneys barely touching any sides,

And the kids who waited up for him were shocked by what they saw

For none of them had ever seen a skinny Santa Claus.



And when the night was over and the reindeer groomed and fed,

Santa glowed with satisfaction as he rested on his bed,

For despite the many gifts that he had made for someone else

He knew his greatest gift had been the one he gave himself.



And Mrs. Claus that morning got a special gift as well

Though the details of this gift I’m not at liberty to tell,

Let’s just say that it involved no special packaging or bow,

Just a knowing little wink and a suggestive “ho ho ho! ”


~The End~