Saint Patrick's Day Poem by Randy Johnson

(This is a fictional poem)

On Saint Patrick's Day I always pinch people who don't wear green.
I made the horrible mistake of pinching a man who was very mean.
He kicked me in the stomach and then he violently put my head through a glass door.
The doctors picked shards of glass out of my face and I'll never pinch him anymore.
I pinched a lady and she said she was being sexually harassed.
It was because I made the mistake of pinching her on the ass.
She took me to court and she was awarded a million dollars.
That damn judge held me in contempt when I started to holler.
Pinching that lady's ass was something that I regret.
It took six years for me to pay off that damn debt.
Last Saint Patrick's Day I was doused in gasoline and I sure did burn.
I keep pinching people on Saint Patrick's Day, I guess I'll never learn.