Retractional Setback Poem by Andrus Cassian

I am a tad late
I guess I bound myself to a date
but I've had my fill of distractions
so here, I'll get straight to the point
while I put on my writing attire
equipped with my writer's cap
and my dimmed writer's block shades
For what I foretold in 'Grey' was completely true
I must print off a retraction
with a twist of adding, making my list of grievances a tad longer
I don't take back my reaction
but I do take back it's direction
for my missile was fired at the wrong person'
and for that
every harsh word I directed her way
I take back
every word I savored for a different truth
I now bottle it and save it up for a different someone
who deserves it
Still I bear a red stamp of a question mark
for I start to question the selfishness of friendship
Why must her companion twist and contort
a web of lies to keep me at bay
to have more time to spend texting the one you're intertwined with
to have alone time with the one dedicated to me
well ironically as much as she whispers it
I don't think it will ever be
regardless, without a hint of doubt
Why must you contort and press the buttons
you know will wound
sting like wasp so brutal
to back me away
to steal what you may never have
well never may be a strong word
she is halfway yours
You get to lock eyes with her
spend time with her
while I sit miles upon miles away
with a simple wish similar to the rest
I have made in vain
but here is where I stop talking
for I have discovered my waterfront
and am drowning as it breaks
drowning in my sea of hollow threats, hollow words
for I dismantled my feelings
for I dismantled how I originally felt
If I search through this icebox
will I find what I lost
put on ice just to stop moving so fast
or will I find something so dead and deceiving
Like I wrote in 'Grey'
this is my retraction
I don't take back my reaction
yet I handled this like a mere distraction
guess I can't escape it
...I'm still grey...
...I'm still grey...