Ralph The Roofer …… [a Long Tale Of A Blue-Collar Worker; Rhyming, Of Course; Fiction; Some Humor] Poem by Bri Edwards

Though I'm not sure what's proper: "rooves" or "roofs",
just like I'm not sure about using: "hooves" or "hoofs",
I CAN tell you about Ralph, "the Roofer"; he was no "goof-off".
Ralph could quickly put a new roof on, OR take an old roof off.

When little Ralph was not quite eight years old,
he first mounted a roof when he feared his mom would scold ……
him for taking his goldfish to school in an envelope ….
with no water. When it was time to show it off, there was also NO hope …..
[that "Goldie" would survive, despite Ralphie's efforts to revive ………..….‘her'.]

But Ralph took "Goldie" home, along with a note from his teacher.
Miss Crabtree's note ‘laid it on thick'; she'd once been a preacher.

"Dear Mrs. Kramden, May 23,1932

Your son's fish was brought to school with no water!
I'm afraid Ralph is not as smart as Jane, your daughter ….
who I was happy to have in my class two years ago.
If truth be told, I think your son, Ralph, is a little "SLOW".

Sincerely,
Miss Crabtree

So, arriving home, Ralph placed the note, envelope, AND fish …
on their kitchen counter right beside the ….blue soap dish.
But when he heard his mom call: "Ralph, is that you? Come here! ",
he snuck up the stairs to his bedroom and hid ….in mortal fear.

Ralph's parents had been spoiled raising his sister, Jane.
Now sometimes, for (almost) no reason, Mom or Dad went ‘insane',
or that's what Ralphie thought. He thought: "Where, oh where, can I hide? "
His route to the backyard would be blocked. How to get outside?

Then he saw the window beckon him. It led to the …..roof below.
The garage roof. He needed to move fast. NO sense being slow.
He didn't even have a chance to be (more) scared; he was scared enough.
His mom and dad could be nice, but at times they COULD get rough.

He made it to the garage roof but sought more height.
It wasn't hard to move to the main roof; he (almost) had ….no fright.
It was there, by the chimney, the police found him late that night.
His folks were so glad to have him safe that it all worked out right.

[NO spanking did he receive! ] [that day]

From that day on, for the next ten years, Ralph sought the roof, ….
but not (usually) to avoid scolding, and NOT because he was aloof.
Well he WASN'T aloof; he was just a little ‘different', you see.
He liked being on the roof, just like another boy likes sitting in a tree.

Maybe Ralph WOULD have enjoyed tree-sitting, but none were handy.
He liked the free-feeling up on the roof; for him it was dandy.
He'd go there when no one was around, or they all were asleep.
Many a date (with the moon and stars) Ralph did keep.

He never fell, though he had a few close calls, it's true.
And he NEVER got caught, or he might've been ‘black and blue'.

Turning 18 in '42, he was a sailor two years in the Pacific.
His military time was "not bad", but neither did he think it was …..terrific.

Back home in the city, he got a part-time construction job ……
helping build homes for returning wartime "GIs". The roofer's name was Bob.
Part-time turned into full-time, which soon turned into overtime.
Ralph loved the work. He loved being on a roof. It was sublime.

Mostly Ralph's job was putting the tar paper and shingles on the wood.
But he learned all aspects of roofing, and got a reputation [GOOD].
He started dating a girl he'd liked back in the 10th grade.
In a year they'd "tied the knot"; a lovely bride she'd made.

In two more years they had their own house and a son.
Ralph's wife sometimes found Ralph on THEIR roof, …….having fun.
She thought it a bit strange, but she knew he'd not fall.
[He no longer had to sneak out a window and hug a chimney wall.]

They, Ralph and Liz, talked once about Ralph's roof-sitting, ….
and Liz decided that, though it WAS strange, …..for Ralph it was fitting.
She DID, however, make Ralph wait several more years ….
to take Ralph Jr. onto the roof, AND, the first time, Liz had tears …….
……in her eyes when both Ralphs returned safely down the ladder.
She'd been eyeing them the whole time, and neglected her bladder!

[Liz DID make it to the bathroom in time! ]

Ralph started his own roofing business; he swung a hammer thirty years.
Ralph Jr. helped some summers, but allayed his mother's fears……
when he decided to go to college for engineering at Cornell.
[Liz had always been an anxious "roofer's wife", but Ralph NEVER fell.]

Then one day, when Ralph was nearly 60 …..he fell!
He'd only been one story up, but he broke both legs. It hurt like Hell!
He'd been thinking of retiring and now it seemed to be "the time".
He sold the business, which brought in MUCH MORE than a dime.

But was Ralph done with roofs? Oh no, he was not!
He took up golfing, and developed a good golf shot, ….
but at home, he still got up on their roof, ….a lot.

Well, sort of. He had a "widow's walk" built. Liz cringed..
…and some neighbors thought Ralph had become ‘unhinged' …..
‘cause several times a week, come rain, snow, or shine,
Ralph sat "upon the roof", where he still got ‘the feeling-fine' ….
like he first got at the age of seven, so many years ago.
Now he'd wave at walkers, bikers, and cars, whether fast or slow.

And that's where Ralph was, just sitting (waving from his rocker) …..
…..one afternoon, when, of a sudden, "it" stopped. [His "tick-tocker"]
A "massive heart attack" was what his doctor's report had said.
Ralph Sr. died where he found his "old comfort". Ralph was dead.

(November 29,2015)

Addendum: [added as an ‘afterthought', January 18,2016]

Liz Kramden lived on in the house with the widow's walk.
She started sitting in Ralph's place, and some neighbors...
DID ‘talk'.
It didn't bother her, as she sat next to Ralph's urn of ashes, ….
and when a biker or jogger waved at her, tears welled up ……near her eye lashes.