Push Back Poem by grace mariner

You would never let me in.
No matter how close, you were never able to let down your defenses.
I gave all that I am.
I know it's not much but it was all I had.
Maybe it was the same with you,
maybe it was all you had in your desert of emotion.
I wanted to take some of your pain from you but you would have none of it!
That pain fuels your anger...
that same anger that has you running scared from the world,
and me.
You cannot survive without it.
It's all you've ever known.
What were you feeling when you laid in my arms, when I would submit all that I am to you?
Your last words to me were a lie.
They dripped of disdain.
I thought you loved me but that feeling is incongruent to your actions.
You are well aware of the pain you inflicted.
You further damaged an already damaged thing.
Did you hate me?
I'd rather know you did than feel the indifference.
That would be less painful.
Did you want to make me hate you?
Then you never knew me at all.
And I have no one who can take my pain so I stuff it down as I always have...
it's all I've ever known