Proud Poem by Katerina Val

My life is in danger
Myself is in danger
as I cut the small pieces
tiny failed autonomies
my mouth opens wider
greedier
badly as it's burning my need
virulence
becoming worse
monstrous
for my need
will lend me to my destruction
for me.

My Pride
breathing
for me.

A wreckage as I am
I go ahead with my head up
hoity toity
or just provident?

I keep my head up
pretentious and cautious
and I keep walking
prisoner of my pride

My Pride
handling the world
for me.

My words are in danger
but I shall know I have no more words
I kill my tongue
and with it
I enclose myself
in my personal demolished world

a long ago
when I killed myself
for mrs Pride.

I play along
and I toy with the emotions
I never show
I never feel
so proud and controlled
so shattered as I go

My Pride
hating the dogs
instead of me

Pretentious
or just wrinkled
between my arrogance and my mind?
Twisted brain
Twisted soul
I break in pieces as I go

My Pride
loving the sunburn
instead of me.

And the words I never have but hate to hear
spilling out from some stranger's mouth
ten million times worse than they can be
I lay angry covered in my cold rage here
and I repeat
"you only endeavor to run away from the sound
of a word
of a thought
that beats harder
and worse
in your mind

trying too hard to escape from a tempo
that bites harder
and more painfully
behind your mind"

somewhere in the back side of your mind

But there I can find my Pride
it's stuck there
and it uses words and knives for me

Twisted mind
Budding brain
Incubate me
my brain doesn't mind
free me
my eyes don't mind
parrots saying
they don't mind
but if you expose myself
to make it real
my pride will kill your idea
because she minds

My pride
minding
for me.

Mrs Pride
seeing
for the blind me.

Let me die with some company
it is definitely what I want
with warm tears drenching my repented face
as I, with humility obey, hands and eyes surrendered towards the sky
but, fat too fat and stuck between myself and my pride
my last wish is
desperate, needy and lonely I should cry
alone I should die.

Not reconciled with my Pride yet
her, being
instead of me.