Pour Me Another Mug Of Butter Poem by Patti Masterman

Pour me another mug of butter
Stir in a cup of grated cheese
Then, mix in some lard-
Make sure it's good and hard
And don't forget the pop tarts,
If you please

For tomorrow is the day that the diet
Is marked on my calendar, to start
Tomorrow is the day
I'll throw it all away
Leaving only lettuce: it's an art

Fry up some biscuits and some bacon
Add lots of margarine and jam
A cheesecake on the side-
The poundcake- it might hide
Right beside the honey
Drizzled ham

For tomorrow is the day that the diet
Is marked on my calendar, to start
Tomorrow is the day
I'll throw it all away
Leaving only lettuce: it's an art

Stir up some muffins and some cookies
Glaze well with sugar and fresh cream
A hunk of cookie dough
Will then complete the show
This food's not as fattening
As it seems

For tomorrow is the day that the diet
Is marked on my calendar, to start
Tomorrow is the day
I'll throw it all away
Leaving only lettuce: it's an art

Now, D-day has come around
But I'm feeling kind of rough
My tummy's got an ache
I think it was the cake
Think I'll just stop by the store
For a couple cream-puffs more

And get rid of that lettuce-
I think it's starting to stink...