Poison-Ess Poem by shaffras mahamoor

I liked it.. it was nice reading it

Hmm...I don't know how to critique this poem really. Usually, I am quite hard on people. Let me see....okay, now I'm ready: #1. The first stanza is going well, it is strong. I am going to take a wild guess and say that 'six and nine' is either an alcoholic beverage or a brand of cigarettes. I am sort of iffy on the lines 'tastes so good, feels so good.' It feels almost clicheish, but for this poem you made it work somehow. #2. I am not much of a fan of stating the obvious bluntly. For some poems, it works, for others it doesn't. The little asterisk really throws me off and I can't help but feel it takes away from the poem. By putting the asterisk there, even for a brief moment, it transforms the second stanza into a foot note. I say, get rid of the two little asterisks. I know you put it there so the reader can figure out why you wrote the word 'poisoness' as 'poison-ess', but there are many clever people out there. Instead of writing it like this: e-endless s-sweet s-suffering try this: endless sweet suffering It's the same thing and is less distracting to the poem and the eye. The readers who are clever enough will see that 'endless, sweet, suffering' is an acrostic for 'ess'. So that is my advice, hope you like it.