Paperweight Poem by Andrus Cassian

Paperweight



Do you know what it feels like to be a paperweight
like you're sitting on someone's chest
They can't move nor do you want to
pinning their arms above their head
screaming in their face to look at you in the eyes
dead in the eyes as they keep turning away
and when they finally do
you can't find your reflection, you're a ghost to them
Do you know what it feels like to be a paperweight
like you're a holding place, a replacement
for somebody else, someone unattainable
for someone not there, not here
and it's you begging the question
'What am I, a true love or a mirage of something invisible'
Do you know what it feels like to be a paperweight
to be someone who likes the way
the people stare at you now
but you look so fake, a wearer of a disguise
so no one can see the face of the cards you hide
while chasing a phantom of your own
Have you ever felt yourself as useless
but still find a purpose to keep your head up
because you've found greatness in tragedy
If this is you, share me your knowledge of what to do
I have no tragedy to bear but a story to unravel
a story dating back 4 years
Dating, where and why did I pursue the endeavor
in a desperate attempt to find that whoever
wherever she may rest her head and slumber
My wherever then wore the name of Juliet the Medusa
so dear, a treasure to me so excuse me if I brag for pages
I bragged about her for every month gone by
declaring for her, my love, I'd never leave
but it was her destined to depart at month 7
her leaving adding up to 3
and then it's me leaving with scars, innocence gone
as we fast forward 4 years to the present
becoming a different transformation, a different someone
I'll be blunt: my angel wings have been torn apart
so like a plane I crashed back down to Earth
in response this wolf bears fangs and roses
a dominate howl and a voice inside, screaming for love
hoping to be alpha, hoping to secure a mate once and for all
but I am an animal no less no matter how good my intentions
the level of passion, thoughtfulness, hesitation
willingness to understand
I am an animal no less aboard a seaward vessel
equipped with a mast and a flag to signal to the awaiting crowd
I'm ready, I'm available, I'm waiting but it's just me
while my interests wave their own flags from miles away
and I can only reach out with a ghostly embrace
followed by looks behind a screen
making promises I don't know if I'm able to keep
while there's two potential loves in my vicinity
but I can't declare fascination
or they'd slap cuffs upon my wrists
Why can't I just like a girl, a question muttered before
now I ask for a worldwide discussion
Why can't I just like a girl
Why am I the paperweight
Why can't I be the paper folded up into a perfect little plane
Let me answer my own question without a sound

Saturday, April 25, 2015
Topic(s) of this poem: thought
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