Overwhelmed Poem by Scarlet .....

how come at night
there is no longer any night
I worked so hard
to be able to find the light
but now
my walls of strength
give up the fight
they crumble at will
leaving me
exposed
hurting
and overwhelmed in darkness
I thought I was through all this
but it seems to be coming back
why can’t I just be comfortably numb again
oh how I miss that feeling
the one of no real feeling at all
no pain
no joy
it was all the same
but I was safe
I knew what I felt
and that it wouldn’t change
but know
my emotions are uncontrolled
now I never know what I will feel the next moment
for I know it will not be happiness
for that is way to rare
but will it be sadness
or depression
or anger
or will it be yet again another dark moment
or will it be one of those few moments of strength
oh those are nice
but they come to far apart
overwhelmed by fear
of the unknown
and what is next to come
it always grows worse
rarely better
so what can be worse
than the dark moment I have already come to dread
I can not even imagine
I don't want to imagine
but yet I live in fear of it
for I know it is yet to come