Out Of Control Poem by Camille Jones

whirling out of control
lost feeling
lost control
these cuts keep getting deeper
and deeper
no control of how to stop
I laugh at the red growing
I smile in pleasure
no longer the piercing meets
me needs
now I must carve
never had I been so skilled
with this blade that lays in
my hand
no one must know
the new skill that I’ve acquired
it pleases me so
you can’t image
I just keep going till the
pain I no longer can handle
how has this become like this
how did I start
never thought I would be the one
but now I wonder
the real question
how do I stop
cry no more
just let the red come instead
I want to just cry
but that is no longer an option
I love this strange new feeling
I’ve never felt anything like it before
it takes away the pain and
the hurt
I love how no one must know
no one not even me
not even you
so I smile
for you not me
yet
smiles lead to laughter
but my smile is so fake
I paste it on
so perfectly
you would never know
how fake it really is
but now I start feeling dizzy
so I stop
I lay there and drift into sleep
a deep sleep
I hope I never wake up
but to my own fear
my alarm wakes me once
again to go threw this
game we call life