Hira Akhtar

Rookie - 59 Points (19-3-1998 / Gujrat)

Our Friendship


Our friendship is like a durable tree
tall and broad, that never pines
fluttering with it my sorrows flee
with water of love always shines

Like a selfless river, we're meandering
to fall in ocean of happiness endeavouring
from time to time its excitement is at zenith
crossing each curve with true spirit

Friendship garland is so flamboyant
having this, a priceless ornament
a harmonious melody crammed with sentiment
sometimes as soothing as an ointment

Our friendship, not a flower, that wrinkles
but a star in sky, that always twinkles

It's a bird whisteling love tunes
that appears each blind night

Submitted: Saturday, April 12, 2014
Edited: Thursday, April 17, 2014

Topic of this poem: Friendship


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Poet's Notes about The Poem

I love my Friends :) :)

Comments about this poem (Our Friendship by Hira Akhtar )

  • Gold Star - 18,717 Points Chinedu Dike (12/30/2014 5:44:00 AM)

    A well articulated poem nicely written in poetic diction with lovely rhyme scheme. A friend in need is a friend indeed. A good friend is almost the equal of a good and happy family. I like the articulation of the poem as it captured the essence of true friendship. Anyone who has found a true friend is blessed with a rare gem. A lovely poem indeed. Thanks for sharing and do keep it up. Kudos Hira! Please read my poem MANDELA - THE IMMORTAL ICON. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 59 Points Piumi Wijenayake (8/4/2014 10:53:00 AM)

    Its nice work and you did a good job (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 22,211 Points Akhtar Jawad (4/20/2014 6:29:00 AM)

    Good, you have edited and made it a durable. I have also edited and corrected many lines when guided by Bri Edwards. Any way it' sa nice poem. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 5,525 Points Bri Edwards (4/15/2014 9:49:00 PM)

    hira, when i googled adurable i found this:

    Did you mean: adorable
    Search Results

    Urban Dictionary: adurable
    www.urbandictionary.com/define.php? term=adurable?
    Urban Dictionary
    Mar 19,2008 - adurable.1. A word made up by a sezzy girl, named Peace ;) 2. Meaning able to endure intense sexual activity 3. extremely ghetto term...
    adurable
    adurable.1. A word made up by a sezzy girl, named Peace ;) 2...

    SO, HIRA, i think you either meant adorable or a durable (maybe you forgot the space between a and durable?
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    there are some places where punctuation would help me read this, as in:
    Like a selfless river, we're meandering
    to fall in ocean of happiness endeavouring
    from time to time its excitement is at zenith
    crossing each curve with true spirit............it is tempting to try continuing a sentence from line 2 to line 3, until i get to the word its. then i figure i must have gone too far.



    flutteing with it my sorrows flee.............? perhaps you meant fluttering?
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Our friendship, not a flower, that wrinkles
    but a star in sky, that always twinkles ..................i REALLY LIKE THESE TWO LINES. :)

    It's a bird whisteling love tunes
    that appears each gloomy night ......using gloomy here does not seem to fit the mood of love/friendship.

    i copied this definition of GLOOMY:

    gloom·y
    'glo?ome/
    adjective
    adjective: gloomy; comparative adjective: gloomier; superlative adjective: gloomiest

    1.
    dark or poorly lit, esp. so as to appear depressing or frightening.
    a gloomy corridor
    synonyms: dark, shadowy, sunless, dim, somber, dingy, dismal, dreary, murky, unwelcoming, cheerless, comfortless, funereal;
    literaryStygian
    a gloomy room
    antonyms: bright, sunny
    feeling distressed or pessimistic.
    I am by no means gloomy about the prospects for domestic industry
    synonyms: despondent, downcast, downhearted, dejected, dispirited, disheartened, discouraged, demoralized, crestfallen; More
    depressed, desolate, low, sad, unhappy, glum, melancholy, miserable, woebegone, mournful, forlorn, morose;
    informalblue, down in/at the mouth, down in the dumps;
    literarydolorous
    Joanna looked gloomy
    pessimistic, depressing, downbeat, disheartening, disappointing;
    unfavorable, bleak, bad, black, somber, grim, cheerless, hopeless
    gloomy forecasts about the economy
    antonyms: happy, cheerful, upbeat, optimistic
    causing distress or depression.
    =============================
    thanks, hira, for sharing. bri ;) (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,032 Points Tiku . (4/13/2014 12:23:00 AM)

    True friendship lasts forever.Nice poem.Loved it.Keep inking Hira. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 5 Points Usman Arshad (4/12/2014 4:40:00 AM)

    Friendship is a tree if its leaves is vast and green it gives shadows to more people as compared to those trees which have weak and baseless stem. So always become big tree to give shadow to others (Report) Reply

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