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S.zaynub Kamoonpuri


Ode to the Salty tear


O' Salty tear, a mere clear drop that you are
You've emerged for a million different reasons
many of which only the shedder knows
........................
........................
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  • Bronze Star - 5,300 Points Geetha Jayakumar (2/6/2014 10:02:00 AM)

    A Powerful poem from your pen.. How come I missed this beautiful Ode to the Salty tear.
    Poem is very deep and with beautiful rhythms as well...

    This poem left me wondered whether
    Is it the salty tears were spilled from eyes?
    or is the the deep thoughts were spilled from your heart?
    Made this poem wonderful.... (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 33,788 Points Aftab Alam Khursheed (11/29/2013 9:39:00 PM)

    joy and grief two kinds of dirt that comes out from the heart, cleaning device those two and tears a sludge...well writ and rhymed thank (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,035 Points Kanav Justa (11/29/2013 6:06:00 AM)

    ... wonderful poem... truly justified the title of the poem.... loved the way you wrote the lines... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 105 Points Niamat Ali Murtazai (11/27/2013 10:50:00 AM)

    A very passionate ode replete with optimism, especially the last two lines:
    and be such a buddy who never wishes to meet again
    the tearful shedder from whom you depart! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 264 Points Words' Knight (11/25/2013 1:06:00 PM)

    Very very good, I love nicely writen poem especially those who contains a lot of rhythms. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,857 Points Bri Edwards (11/22/2013 2:58:00 PM)

    un·al·loyed
    ??n?'loid/
    adjective
    adjective: unalloyed



    1.(of metal) not alloyed; pure.
    unalloyed copper
    (chiefly of emotions) complete and unreserved.
    unalloyed delight

    OKAY, i get it now...pure.

    i liked emotional waste and its rhyme. and grief-crowded heart. oops! it was grief-clouded heart.

    did you mean to have the break between these four lines? :

    You are the raindrops of a grief-clouded heart
    You do emerge when two lovers have to part

    Help your shedder turn over a new leaf
    so you're associated less with grief.

    i especially enjoyed the last stanza. i'll message you about the second to the last stanza, if i don't forget. :) bri

    as for the author's comment on a comment from 'stan' (below) : yes, ms. or mrs. or something feminine please, though i too would not have known the sex of the author, except that she told me! i would have played it safe and put mrs/mr/ms if anything perhaps. ;) and it's Indian lassie please, not Tanzanian lassie. [ i thought lassies were only Scottish girls, or collie dogs. ] (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Geetima Baruah Sarma (11/18/2013 1:31:00 AM)

    A wonderful poem. So true indeed...
    'You've emerged for a million different reasons
    many of which only the shedder knows' (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 141 Points Stan Petrovich (11/17/2013 7:01:00 AM)

    Yours is indeed odd for an ode.. However it is extremely effective, peculiar rhyme-scheme notwithstanding. I give it a ten because throughout the sad poem brings me joy, utter joy. Great work, Mr. Kamoonpurii! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 154 Points Yasmeen Khan (11/17/2013 4:18:00 AM)

    There must be something strangely sacred in salt. It is in our tears and in the sea. ”
    - Khalil Gibran
    a wonderful poem, kudos! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 24 Points Dee Corpolongo (11/17/2013 4:02:00 AM)

    Great words on a emotion that is felt by most of us.....at times. Love how you put it into a poem...
    and thank you for your comment on my last poem... hopefully, my dad sees it in heaven..... (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,493 Points Lyn Paul (11/16/2013 8:47:00 PM)

    Love the title and more so the words and they way you have pieced them together. Thank You (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 90 Points Liliana ~el (11/16/2013 2:04:00 PM)

    Lovely could be better. I like that you addressed that tears are shed for joy and grief and for various reasons. However, you seem to build only on the downside. People often tear up when laughing or moved :) (Report) Reply

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