Ode To My Various Bowel Problems Poem by Torben Duncan

My stomach fell out yesterday
it fell on the floor and danced all day
When I asked it why
it did not reply
it just danced the night away

My intestine eloped with a scottish bloke
yesterday afternoon
they decided to wed in a potting shed
and honeymooned with a rake

My large intestine thought little of this
he decided to simply boo and hiss
when the wedding came
he thankfully refrained
from his usual disgusting antics

However on the honeymoon day
he decided to pay
his respects to the rake
and made it run away
there's no day like today
so let's live in Jamaica
he said which made no sense

The rake was in awe
so it stole a mans paw
like how Carol Anne Duffy steals snow
the man said no
and decided to show
what a good shank felt like

Now my bowels are in trouble
I'm bent over double
and puking on Fuscia marble
my head feels funny
my mind has gone runny
and I think I may die of overexposure to certain things which may be cancerous.