Not Drowning Poem by Janet Budd

Not Drowning

Rating: 5.0


I did not want to taste the salty sea
Just sample cool thrills on a far off beach
To celebrate a school trip nearly done
A tale I could relate once back at home

Deliberating the best time to bathe
I marked well the life guard’s white flag wave
Swam out, toes stretching, touching shale to check
Chin skimming blue green water to my neck

My favourite school-friend, let me call her Bee
More robust a swimmer than that timid me
Saw orange pennants of approaching doom
Flapping above the life-guard station’s roof

Dead silence rocked on undulating deeps
That swayed the world beneath my reaching feet
Now red flags fluttered and I felt no floor
A vortex sucked my craning neck below

The ancient sea, she courted me that day
Challenged I partake in elemental play
I took her as my lover not my foe
From depths inside I knew her deeps below

Chose not to let her deadly wooing win
Found fires of courage burning deep within
To play her power in perfect harmony
Made love with her whilst she gave birth to me

There was no death, I rode the silent tide
Gave her my strength, a careful sacrifice
That she rewarded, voicing in my ear
Here’s the time, surge now, surge now my dear

And surge I did, then lay in sweet repose
Until the current called then on I strove
Then strove I did, and knew to persevere
Would bring the brinking beach nearer then near

She toyed and tempted me to loose my will
But feigning ignorance of her power to kill
I set my eyes steadfastly on the shore
Until my toes touched shifting shale once more

Like Isis rising from the foamy sea
I stood majestically. Triumphantly
I stepped out regal as a radiant bride
Parading down a rich cathedral aisle

Basking so splendidly, my knickers fell
Weighed with gravel dredged from my lover’s bed
In sight of all, I pulled that garment down
Brazenly shook the stones onto the ground

Laughing as my pants drooped between my thighs
Waving not drowning, arisen and alive
Down to earth, back to this world’s shore I came
Just happy I’d won fortunes fateful game

Once was found walking in despair by Bee.
Abandoned home and children, desperately
Drowning in my own pain and rain and tears
She dragged me from the darkest sea of fears

Bathed me, dried my clothes, brushed my sodden hair
Bee listened to my hurt and did not stir
Saw crying streak my cheeks, offered no cure
But stoked that source in me that shall endure

Sat by my hearth I nurse my young boy child
My daughter, older, plays with toys nearby
Their brothers and sisters run in and out
As young ones do at weekend. Then about

Half past two, my husband comes back home
From lunch time drinking at the local pub
If drink cheered him, it’d be worth the price
Anything but, a word said out of place

Throws him into a fit of rage, Then
He strikes a blow stinging across my head
Can’t raise my hand to protect or deflect
I show no anguish, anger nor protest

Heart rip, soul rot, shock, spirit bitter burn
Resilience seep, invisible weep, no way to turn
A little baby lying on my knee
Suckling, obliviously.

Beyond the boundary of my broken dream
Torrential rain disguised my screaming tears
Crumbling inside, my churning world disgorged
Tumbling illusions, foolishly I’d forged.

A hastily grabbed coat, donned in distress
Had in its pockets, nothing but the address
I’d left behind, scrawled on a crumpled note
As if fate dictated where I must go

Numbly walking, caressed softly by rain
Brought to my mind that drowning sense again
Floating on grief’s current, I dredged and found
Gravel grains of hope to spread on the ground.

Bee, she pulled up beside me in her car
Conjured from aether, beamed down from afar
Star sent saviour, she saw essential me
An eternal child walking from the sea

COMMENTS OF THE POEM

thrilling and amazingly beautiful

0 0 Reply
Christine Kerr 21 April 2009

I love the emotion that you captured here, That only comes from someone that has experienced some or most of the pain, to know how to pour it out and let it flow so beautifully. Thanks for sharing 10++

0 0 Reply
Colin J... 21 April 2009

' Heart rip, soul rot, shock, spirit bitter burn Resilience seep, invisible weep, no way to turn' A very moving poem... Brillant... Colin J...

0 0 Reply
Laurie Hill 10 April 2009

A most excellent, captivating read. Thoroughly engrossing and a wonderful write...10++

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