Nose Measuring Politics: A Modest Proposal Poem by Lonnie Hicks

Politics these days has such crazy-quilt aspects to it, it is difficult to figure out what is going on.
The Blue Dog democrats lost whose very existence made people wonder if the democrats were Dogs or Donkeys. I say both.

Similarly, the Republicans have become confused with being a mighty
elephant on the one hand or a tea bag at the bottom of my tea cup on the other.

This is symbol discombobulation such that bipartisan may mean that us poor voters might have to contemplate a tea sipping elephant (an ugly thought) but I might pay money to see that elephant attempt the act with that trunk; talk about a pinkie.

Or we might have to contemplate a huge blue donkey with a tiny dog's head.

This is too much like falling into the rabbit hole and what is needed here is brain-clearing simple measures of who is who in Congress now, and simple measures of who can be believed and who is yet another girlie boy and boylie girl out to line their own pockets while giving us Cheshire Cats smiles of reassurance that things will be ok as long as some Republican or Democrat is defeated in the next election.

So what and whom is to be believed here? If we don't have some measure of truth it will be a long two years.

I propose the following modest remedies:

Each Monday all of the Congress people, the President, The Supreme Court will be required to undergo full body scans and pat-downs under the Capital Rotunda. (Now there would surely be some ugly cellulite and some huge Rotunda's in that group-let's not show this at breakfast time though)

Now bear with me here because this would inject some much needed humility in our governing leaders and at the same time probably get the airport version of the electronic full body grope rescinded.

In fact, there ought to be a law that no votes can be taken on anything that Congress people themselves have not directly been subjected to themselves. That would cool their legal ardor such that the rest of us can get some peace from their ceaseless attempts to protect us and make things better in the country while failing.

Second, each Monday of the week, all of our leaders ought to have their noses measured. (This is the infallible Pinocchio Test) The electronic grope machine might be adjusted to tilt upward a little and accomplish this nicely.

A centimeter's growth of any nose would constitute a recall and that individual or individuals would be considered to have been voted off the island and sent home. This makes sense to me, I saw it on television, so it must be ok and it must be true.

Third, all body scans of our leaders ought to be made public and shown in the Congressional Record, and any one found to have 100 dollars bills concealed anywhere ought to get the nose treatment identified above.

Now this 'experience life as we experience life' methodology might have a sobering and beneficial effect on American life.

Congress, all of them, have to fly economy, drive their own cars in traffic like we do, watch bad TV, (no private screening rooms) eat bad food, have all of their face book friends turn on them, and the greatest indignity of all have to pay for their own meals instead of having lobbyists pay for their meals, their hotels, their golf games, their libraries after they leave office-well you get the idea.

Worth a shot, don't you think?