Nicest Wife Poem by gershon hepner

The nicest wife who was my knower
Was Linda Ruth, and born as Roer.
She lost her cool once, being very
Unguarding of her precious cherry.
She made no crumbs while she was eating,
And no one ever caught her cheating

In French, though Hebrew made her stumble,
A problem which made her more humble
Than she was doing simple math,
Or assuaging spousal wrath,

Which hardly ever would occur,
Because she could all wrath deter
With her sweet smile which used to charm
Her husband, and keep her from harm.

She used to feed him tasty portions
That she prepared with kosher cautions.
Her married life did not belie
The promise of his fantasy,
Which he immortalized in rhymes,
Reward he gave for the good times

She used to show him in her bed,
And other places where she led
The life of Riley, some suppose,
but whether that is true, who knows?

She hoped to be immensely rich,
But since her husband filled with kitsch
Her house, she was immensely poor,
Which didn’t bother the née Roer,

For she wrote poetry like him,
Far better, some say, who are dim,
If you believe that I’m impossible,
Consider what I wrote as tossable.



Inspired by “Charles Augustus Fortescue, ” written by the witty anti-Semite Hillaire Belloc. I wsa reminded of this poem while listening with Linda to the Canadian Bass Ensemble’s rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas, ” according to which on the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me GEORGE FREDERICK HANDEL.

Charles Augustus Fortescue

The nicest child I ever knew
Was Charles Augustus Fortescue.
He never lost his cap, or tore
His stockings or his pinafore:
In eating Bread he made no Crumbs,
He was extremely fond of sums,

To which, however, he preferred
The Parsing of a Latin Word-
He sought, when it was within his power,
For information twice an hour,

And as for finding Mutton-Fat
Unappatising, far from that!
He often, at his Father's Board,
Would beg them, of his own accord,

To give him, if they did not mind,
The Greasiest Morsels they could find-
His Later Years did not belie
The Promise of his Infancy.
In Public Life he always tried
To take a judgement Broad and Wide;

In Private, none was more than he
Renowned for quiet courtesy.
He rose at once in his Career,
And long before hus Fortieth Year

Had wedded Fifi, Only Child
Of Bunyan, First Lord Aberfylde.
He thus became immensely Rich,
And built the Splendid Mansion which

Is called The Cedars, Muswell Hill,
Where he resides in affluence still,
To show what everybody might
Become by SIMPLY DOING RIGHT

12/24/08