My Suicide Poem by Nicholas Abaddon

Pain and anguish have filled my soul,
Where did the love I once knew travel to?
It disappeared as soon as I paid my worthless toll.
I tried to love what I had but love became a strange taboo.
My soul became foreign,
My psyche became empty and my soul forsaken.
I wallowed in self pity then a strong loathing for the self.
I forced my true thoughts and dreams onto an old dusty shelf.
I tried social conformity and deception,
But the lies have become grotesque and mired in misconception.
Why have I been abandoned so?
I have taken my true sense of self out back and buried it with the backhoe.
Joining the true dreams lying beneath an industrial scrapyard.
What I would now give to be heard and sought like the lost bard.
Where was my lullaby I ask?
I took me long enough to realize it was all around me.
In the forest and the winds,
In the sands of my hourglass gently piling on the bottom.
Forgive me not for such a selfish act,
But think of it as your lullaby.