My Stetson Poem by Stanley Cooper

To keep my brain from foggin'
I wear my Stetson hat
It does wonders for my noggin
I've learned to count on that

When I look into the mirror
And see my hat's not there
My brain just can't deliver
If it finds my bald head bare

I try to comb the stubble
Into curly locks of yore
But of course run into trouble
'Cause my hair ain’t there no more

I seem to do such silly stuff
With my Stetson out of sight
Like chewing drinks and sipping snuff
Not knowing left from right

I rise to non-occasions
Think I'm funny when I'm not
With memory evasions
I forget what I've forgot

Emotionally I'm rattled
My thinking goes astray
I can't handle being saddled
With a brain in disarray

But with my Stetson donned
My mind is fully crammed with
Wise thoughts so far beyond
Bareheaded thoughts I'm damned with

That's the reason why
I'm hatless, well, hardly ever
I'm not really very sly
It's my Stetson that's so clever