Shahzia Batool

Freshman - 605 Points (Pakistan)

My Scattered Thoughts X


You talked of storms
I mentioned calm;
You were the moth of twilight
I always burned myself to illumine;
You were sure of your darkness
I was confident of my light;
I kept on sowing my own seeds to fertilize
Without noticing that the crops I was working on
Would never yield fruit,
I could never believe the void attempts
on the barren land
that would ever render a rich harvest;
I thought I was made to win
But you were unwilling to accept defeat,
You never admitted, though I never denied
all violent passions and indigo dreams…

Rain has its mood-swings...
Let me make a plain for me
I was too modest to break hearts
You were too straight to perform that feat,
Your rudeness defeated my tenderness,
You always were successful in placing me on no man’s land;
We could never go together
Though I always thought
We are dyed in the same tones of bold shades;
To understand
One’s own self is not beyond reach of those
Who interpret
the exuberance of sunsets in their own language…

Submitted: Monday, September 02, 2013
Edited: Sunday, January 26, 2014

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Comments about this poem (My Scattered Thoughts X by Shahzia Batool )

  • Rookie - 158 Points Queeny Gona (9/12/2013 11:17:00 PM)

    You were always successful in placing me on no man's land.

    Ah! What an expression. You did a wonderful job in letting yr scattered thoughts! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Poet's Fan (9/10/2013 6:48:00 AM)

    no one can juxtapose such opposites as beautifully and as philosophically as shahzia did here, , , enjoyed it, , and the last line is icing on cake/poem :) thanx (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 5,586 Points Bri Edwards (9/8/2013 3:48:00 PM)

    interesting. i am not familiar with the scattered thoughts series of poems alluded to in comments. though i had some trouble understanding the poem [a poet's note would be helpful perhaps], i did enjoy it. i must learn to not demand perfect-for-me english from poets who i assume have another language as their primary language.
    for some reason i especially enjoyed indigo dreams. i may send a personal message with questions/suggestions. thanks for sharing.
    one comment refers to this as a feminist poem. is it? i felt it was a story of a failed attempt to form a loving and comfortable relationship between the speaker and another person. i thought of the speaker as a woman and the other as a man, but who knows? ? i try not to assume the poet is speaking of herself or himself. :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Aswath Raman (9/7/2013 8:38:00 AM)

    Excellent! The best so far in your scattered thoughts! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Passionate Reader (9/7/2013 7:47:00 AM)

    It's lovely! ! !

    Rain has its mood-swings...
    Let me make a plain for me
    I was too modest to break hearts
    You were too straight to perform that feat,
    Your rudeness defeated my tenderness,
    You always were successful in placing me on no man’s land;

    Two contrasting states are beautifully portrayed here. loved the contrast and well crafted.
    Blessings (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 17,372 Points Valsa George (9/6/2013 1:38:00 AM)

    There is a clear antagonism, expressed here... but determined not to budge an inch even if the harvest may bring in rampant yield or not. Another feather to the cap of Scattered thought series! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 267 Points David Wood (9/5/2013 4:59:00 AM)

    A duality of the nature of life through scattered thoughts. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 7,536 Points Geetha Jayakumar (9/4/2013 7:20:00 AM)

    Beautiful poems...with contrasting words like the Scattered thoughts..But practical..Loved the way you painted with words... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 415 Points Yasmeen Khan (9/3/2013 11:17:00 AM)

    The difference between the moth and the firefly can be understood by ''who interpret
    the exuberance of sunsets in their own language… '' and a few can do it. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,560 Points Dinesh Nair (9/3/2013 9:15:00 AM)

    This display of amazing optimism has taken me by surprise and I feel relieved that the poet in Shahzia Batool excels many others by passing such positive thoughts. As the unheard melodies are sweeter, you have to go ahead with many more such poems over PH. A 10 for you Shahzia. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 288 Points Nasarudheen Parameswaran (9/3/2013 7:45:00 AM)

    Very fantastic feminist poem. The gap in the death of heart in poem Obituary is filled up here. Very bold, frank attempt to make things right and face the challenges. I love this poem. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 621 Points Kavya . (9/3/2013 7:09:00 AM)

    strong paradoxes used........void attempts on the barren land that would ever render a rich harvest; ......an amazing write Mam (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 4,764 Points Tirupathi Chandrupatla (9/2/2013 11:50:00 AM)

    Your scattered thoughts are sprikles of beauty of binding truths of life. Even in these scattered thoughts of beads, there seems to be a unifying string of wisdom passing through them. Thank you. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 11,841 Points Ramesh Rai (9/2/2013 9:39:00 AM)

    love your thoughts. you are very practical (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 6,601 Points Lyn Paul (9/2/2013 6:49:00 AM)

    Such powerful thoughts love ever piece of this. particularly... Rain has its mood swings. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mohabeer Beeharry (9/2/2013 5:57:00 AM)

    There is a search going on in here. Hope you find the object that is all to your liking.
    Smooth and well constructed poem.

    Mohabeer Beeharry

    Welcome to read and comment on my poems (Report) Reply

Read all 16 comments »

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