My Ramdan, My Repentance Poem by Ahamad Ilyaas Vilayathullah

The month of Ramdan is taking leave of me,
I'd wooed it more than anything else,
For it opened my heart and kept cleansing it.
The thick layer of sod sediment that had been
So long there that I had thought it to be
My true heart and its genuine colour.

My Ramdan scrubbed quite hard on it
And let me realize how mean and silly I was
And how far distanced I was from my Almighty lord.

My Ramdan brought tankards of tears in my heart
And drenched it so much that a few drops
Kept coming out through my eyes,
The only window it had for many a seasons.
It made me dumb mostly and my days and nights
Were given to silence, even while
I were loud-mouthed on many a matters.

I kept saying: I've pledged a fast to my lord
And I shall not open my mouth to any today,
Like Mary, the virtuous mother of Jesus…

My Ramdan made me be so realistic about myself
And my sense of reality kept asking me to budge,
And I considered budging a thousand times.

Yet it took me back to the Quran,
The final of the divine testaments.
If ever any among my servants ask you about me
Don't hesitate to tell him, I'm here next to him,
Eager to respond to his calls, and let him seek
Response from me and none else…
It kept telling me, and I was overjoyed.

Nothing could make me more joyous than
The words of the Almighty lord:
Do not be desperate over the mercy of your lord
Only those in transgression can ever think of
Despair about the Almighty's mercy!

Did anything else ever make me happier?
I do not know anything sweeter than
God Almighty's mercy.
Can any ever make a taller claim for a greater reward
The day each comes before him for settlement?
For me, I'm more than convinced that
Nothing but his bounteous mercy will ever
Usher me into the gardens of bliss and joy.

The moment I realized this truth, I started
Making every gesture of my soul and body
A chant of the lord almighty's Tasbeeh
And found pleasure in nothing but
Joining whoever is in the heavens or
The earth making Tasbeeh to him silently or aloud.

The month of Ramdan is taking leave of me,
I'd wooed it more than anything else,
For it taught me to show allegiance to none
But my lord almighty, the lone creator of the universe.
I turn my tearful repentance, my upheld hands
And my drenched eyes, and my heart laden heavy
To none but the almighty lord.

I'm keenly wary of my shortcomings and my excesses
And I am advised never to lose heart,
For none but those in the hopeless path,
Will ever lose heart and become hopeless
About God almighty's mercy,
And his mercy penetrates everything
In this most amazing universe around me!

Some with little minds and silly thoughts expect me
To turn to them in repentance that
I fell short in my obligations to my dearest lord.

My response to them is this: I hate associating
Any with my lord in my worship and allegiance,
So too I hate associating any with him
In my tearful repentance and may my almighty
Lord reward us all in abundance,
And shower his mercy and blessings on all of us.

The month of Ramdan is taking leave of me,
I'd wooed it more than anything else,
For it opened my heart and kept cleansing it.
Now that I must sulk in the months eleven
That are ahead, waiting, in hope and despair,
For it to arrive and happen in my life again!