My Hand On The Trigger Poem by Lynn El Amine

Colorful dots join me in murky
Oh hello
Sure
I'd love to dance

Going in circles
With insanity
Taken by the hand

Must be a match made in heaven…

Sparkling
Those luminous dots
Seduce me
Into their world
I feel them
Cradling me
Is it only me?
Am I the only one who's joining them?

Stop me before I shout out loud…

I'm not drunk
I'm not high
But I'd like to be…

Yet I am dizzy
Driven to the highest level of being crazy

Walls closing in
Is it just me?
Or is the world spinning?

My hand is on the trigger
Can't hack it anymore
Luring shreds of madness
Flirting with me
Inviting me to their bed
My will to reject is unreal
My being is weak
I cannot refuse
Fucking bind
Can't be defused

Happiness is a warm gun
Fully loaded

My hand
Still on the trigger
Two seconds
That's all it takes
Two seconds
And it will all be over

So why can't I grant myself happiness?
Impossible to find an answer…

Bottles are all empty
Not even a dropp of wine left

Beaten by sobriety
No fantasies tonight
No escape, no flight

Closing the doors
Darker and darker
Cheerful hallucinations
Remain far
Beyond the stars

I have no money left
Not a single penny
So I eat off the floor
I eat off the dirt

What have you done?
A touch of your magic wand
And Boom!
I am the slave
Serving another prey

Magically
My dreams evaporate
Into the untouched
The unseen
Air

Can I go on the fun ride?
Would you please share your wings with me tonight?

But all is ashes
All is dust
And here I am
Tempted
By happiness's lust

My hand on the trigger
I'm already dead…