Memories I Poem by Aida Santos

I remember
it’s been two decades now
and the inner demons
of that violence visit me

I remember
feeling no pain
as I die inside
self-hatred searing my soul

I remember
my mind confused
by the fallacy of violence:
I am enjoying it men say

I remember
the pall of heavy smoking
one matchstick for the day
cigarettes didn’t kill me

I denied
the nights of ghosts
the images of prison bars
and the shadow of the demon

I wanted
to move on, but memories plod
thick in my dreaming, the tough facade
crumbles at nights, in my aloneness
I lived
to live the pain
mystics call it karma
I called it memories.

These inner demons in me are me.