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Letting Go

The cold rusty edges of this blade hardly penetrated skin
Yet they would dig so deep right into my heart

I was shocked by the resilience of the human body
Was I shocked by the resilience?
Or was I shocked by the human body?

The blood I drew from my opened veins was a dark goo
I could see it was deprived of the oxygen that gave it life

The life I once loved
For a moment
Shorter
Than
This
Line

I didn't feel any pain
I didn't do any damage

It was all already done

Or was it?

I know in my heart
I was a desert
She was rain

I know in my heart
I was a forest
She was fire

No matter how bad I needed her
The cycle of life required death

And death
I have felt
But death
I shall feel no more

I've let it die
I shall feel no more

Submitted: Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, May 28, 2013


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Poet's Notes about The Poem

I recently broke up with the first girl I was ever intimate with, at 25 years old, that's pretty depressing alone.

I got so angry and then so depressed for a moment, I did something I never quite imagined I'd do. Like many before me, I picked up the sharpest blade I could find and dug in into my arm. I made repeated slashes and attempts to mutilate my own flesh... I was actually after the pain more than anything else... I was surprised by how little blood I actually made appear. I was surprised how little it hurt.

Suicidal ideation has been running through my head for weeks but I'm no stranger to it, really deep down, I know I'm driven by the same things as the rest of us and a desire to survive is behind all my wanting to die. It makes no sense to my emotions but I didn't evolve to jump of a high rise building.

I took one hit to the heart, I experienced something new. I'll move on... I hope... I hope so much.

(The poem was written in minutes which nicely reflects the impulsiveness and thoughtless of many of my actions) But sharing it I hope helps me heal and so I do.

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