Leeian Algebra Poem by Theresa Haffner

Leeian Algebra



or
RULES OF THE UNDERWORLD ACCORDING TO DICK LEE (d.1991)

If your friend does you a good deed, you must pay him back in kind by doing a good deed for him in return—-right?

If, however, he does you a bad turn by getting over on you instead, you must demand that he make it right. If he refuses to make it right, you must pay him back 3X by doing him three bad turns.

If your friend continues to refuse to make it right and decides to get you back 3X instead, he will get you back three times for each bad deed, or 3 x 3 bad deeds, meaning he will get you back nine times.

Whereupon, according to the rules of Leeian Algebra, you must pay him back in spades. This means not 3 times, but 7 times for each time he has gotten over on you, or 7 x 9, amounting to 63 dirty deeds. As this may take some time, you may save them up and use them as you need them.

Unfortunately, if your friend still doesn't make it right and decides to pay you back in spades instead, he will do you 7 x 63 dirty tricks, meaning he will get you back 441 times.

If he does this, the only thing you can do is pay him back to the nth power, meaning all of his bad deeds times themselves. It's better to threaten him with this before carrying it out. Otherwise you will be faced with the necessity of owing him 441 get backs times 441 get backs (441 squared) or 194,481 evil deeds. And that's a lot of get backs. As this is likely to take most of the rest of your life to complete, you will probably be relatively free of reprisals.

If, however, your friend sees the error of his ways and makes his bad deed right, you must thank him politely. If you would like to, you may pay him back in kind by doing him a good deed in return.

In which case he will owe you a good deed, and you will only have to get back at him 194,480 more times to be even.

POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
Published in DIFFERENT DRUM by Theresa Haffner. (New Wind Press,1994)
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Theresa Haffner

Theresa Haffner

Plainwell, Michigan
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