Gayle Lowe

Jeremy - Poem by Gayle Lowe

My son
Sees rainbows in the light
Numbers in the wind
He is fascinated by the way a hairbrush feels against his palm, calm calm calm

He has stainless steel machinery inside his mind that converts problems into answers at the speed of light
But when those pistons fire and his wheels start turning it might be days before he’ll sleep again

He can recite every book he’s ever read, he can sing every song he’s ever heard, he can feast for hours on the decimals of pi and sometimes I swear, he is painting pictures with his fingers, the way he caresses the air

He stands by the window, all three feet of him, rocking and breathing
Is he lost? Is he lonely? Does he know I am here?

My son
I think he has extra sensory perception, but others tell me it is sensory deception
I think he can feel the textures of sounds and taste the fear in the air
But I am told he is unaware

I am his mother, he was formed inside of me, nine months of collecting cells and blood and fusing them into something beautiful and strange. He is a part of me. He is an appendage that got away.

And yet there is a distance between us that goes beyond these walls and this air
There is a language I do not speak
Something scorching in my touch that burns him when I stroke his hair
And so I will never reach him

An invisible electric fence surrounds my son
But I am told he is doing well.
I am told he is a happy child.
I am told that the only one who is screaming inside is me

Topic(s) of this poem: autism, motherhood, son

Form: Prose Poem

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, March 29, 2015

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