It Not Really Just Me I'M Hurting Poem by mona martinez

lost in my thoughts,
it was so much easier,
when i was alone,
nobody to care,
how i coped,
or what i did,
there was no explaining,
just doing,
now it's more on,
what am i doing?
it not just me i'm hurting,
just to excape this pain,
that comes up,
it's everybody around me,
life was easier when i lied,
and pretend i was okay,
there was no questions,
on what i did,
but a part of me,
is done with all the lies,
it something i can't keep,
doing to myself,
i know it's wrong,
but living in denial,
about everything,
is easy,
than to face,
the hail storm that's in my mind,
i can't excape the pain,
of what my abuser did to me,
which is one of the hardest things,
no matter how i try to avoid it,
it always comes back harder,
but yet it feels like,
talking about it will do more harm then good,
so many mixed feelings,
i feel trapped inside my mind,
i just want to box in my feelings,
shut down from the world,
and just not feel for a while.