It Hurts Poem by Ankoku Gekido

It hurts so much
The memory
The image of his lifeless body
The blood on the wall
The hole in his head
The gun in his hand
I did it
I caused his death
His pain
If I had only seen my fault sooner he would be here
At my side
In my arms
If I hadn't have said it was over he would be alive
If my father hadn’t given him the gun as a Christmas present
If I hadn't left at all
If I just saw I was wrong
Saw he was innocent
Saw he really did love me as much as he said he did
Saw that I was mislead
That he wasn't using me like my “friend” had said
Then I wouldn't have found him
With the gun in his hand
The hole in his head
And the blood on the wall
While he clutched a ring
A silver ring with a beautiful sapphire stone in the shape of a diamond on it with a note attached to the box
He was going to give the ring to me
As proof of his love
As a promise he would be there
That he would.........
Marry me
He was going to do this that day
The day I found his lifeless cold body
In the room he let me decorate
In the room he was going to propose
In the room we would have been happy
Where there after the proposal would remain a secret
Until we were old enough to properly marry
And we would be happy
But instead fate decided
We would not be happy
We would instead burn in torment
With me the burden of his death
And him the pain of being rejected by his one true love
He is now buried by his family
With the ring in his coffin
As well as another on his finger
One of gold and silver
With a note beside it reading
“To my love who the burden of lose is weighed I promise my heart to you so you can bring it with you into the afterlife in which I hope to join you in as I carry your death on my shoulders not a death of only you, but my heart as well”