Infection For Perfection Or Affection Of Simplification-What's The Real Signification? Poem by Bill Darrah

I don't understand these conflicting
Emotions I'm having.
What is it about these violent battles
Of consciousness that is attacking
My every notion for laughing?
Maybe this writing will cure me of
This painful devastation
And lead me to emotional levitation
Of every day, miraculous inspiration.
Do I love enough?
Is my love too rugged and rough?
How many people do I readily snuff?
Why do I try to act so tough?
When do I say enough is enough?
Do I really know when enough is enough
Or are my limits too few and narrowminded
To what unlimited access I could pursue
If only I wasn't so blinded
By my inadequacies blocking what I could do
For this world and these people
I feel so forced to live and forgive with
To somehow achieve acceptance and worth
I fail to recognize myself as I push and push
My dutiful efforts and strengths
Until I feel the strain of my exhaustion
Realizing my incredible weakness as a mirth
Engulfs my every ounce of sustaining strength
Given back to me as I live one more hour
Breathing waves of laughter on this Earth
Designed to revitalize this life of mine
To the significance of meaningful power
I so passionately pursue to persuade
Myself and others to the point and purpose
Of feeling and fulfilling my heartfelt potential
I want so much to prove
Just how significantly moving
I want my life to be for all to see
So they can receive my gift of life
I have packaged for so many years
For them to open with as much joy,
Heartfelt benevolence, ambitious ambivalence,
Tearful emotion, and a deeply rooted
Sense of symbolic significance as
I so strongly supported and sustained
Through what significance I could supply
And equip my life's work and worth
I tried so hard to live up to and rely
Upon as my ever renewing and revitalizing
Strength overcoming my numerous battles
With weaknesses I withdrew as I
Was physically withering away
With my final depth and breath of life
Expelling all my inner strengths
Preserved and intact as I wanted
You to open and receive on this day
Of my retirement to this life and Earth
As I have lived and laughed my last mirth.