If There Is Something At Heart Poem by Iris Mista

If there is something at heart
how hard it is to make a new start
shame and guilt ever the same
and adding more to the blame

Instability, it feels I do wrong
no more strength, never strong
I made many mistakes before too
but never added them to my woe

I need to learn to let it all go
never a problem with doing so
until the PTSD came down on me
now pain and mistakes is all I see

There is this little trigger inside
the place where I do hide
all the doom that ever was
woken up to forever harass

It nasty tickles and sharply stings
in burning flames it humming sings
in darkness it feels totally fair
until in total emptiness I stare

I am my own torture, my own hell
no matter others treat me well
one sore spot, to ever hurt again
it will stop, just don't know when

August 26,2013