If Only.. Poem by Lynn El Amine

Life
Turned me into the reflection that you see
And I,
Can be everything
But, I'm not
I'm just another background
Behind the scenes

So I,
Go around my day
Saving the world
Same old same
And the shows continue
Movie after movie
The photographs are in color
And I'm still in black and white

Now I,
Seek the sun
In the middle of the dark and blue

The plain white sheet
Shares my tears
Tiny waters making love
To ink

The words collide
Confusion tempts me with its shades
The desert remains dry
At the last page of this history book
My feelings tap dance
Trip
And fall
Trip
And tangle all together
In one another

Oh, if only I believed in my own words
But I don't…
So I,
Simply create the patterns
That are only to be worn
By others

Now I,
Search for the missing puzzle piece
And try to fix that broken vase
Because I,
Am tired of walking upside down

For once
I try to wear my own designs
But my texture is fragile
And the fabric doesn't bring out the color of my eyes
Therefore I,
Undress…

And the people are happy
Happy, happy, happy
With their new looks
Their new lives

I, mesmerized,
Sit
Inside the box
Where Pandora's secrets were kept

I never held a wand
Nor broke chains only by hand
Yet I managed to put on a magic show
And turn a word into prose
But I don't believe in my hands
The strength I had
Failed to cut through the illusion
And find the secrets of my act

I might have written a line or two
Wasted a breath here and there
To save some minds
From the long conversation
That starts with goodbye
And ends with hello

And I,
Probably don't deserve a taste
Of my well prepared recipe
I don't get a share
I simply feed the empty cells
Give the sugar
The energy
To go on

While I,
Just another lunch lady,
Get to have some leftovers
Of my past
And eat off a dirty tray

And After tomorrow
Will come a day
I'll be held as hostage
In the arms of me

My lips articulated a language
Understood by the them,
The you
But not the me
In myself
To myself
Not on the outside
I was misunderstood
I guess that led me to my so called 'greatness'
Just like my old pal Ralph once said
To be great, is to be misunderstood
But I think Ralph was only kidding
Or maybe he was drinking
I'm not sure

If only I believed in my own words
I would've been free

If only
Oh, if only..