If I Die Tonight Poem by Dionne K. Kelly

Here I sit with the bottle of pills in my hand;
Thinking to myself, do I want to leave this land?
A part of me answers yes, the other no.
The last bringing with it questions whose answers I do not know.
What entities will be seen if I die tonight?
Will I finally see the end to all of my pain and strife?
Will I enter into that bright, blinding light?
Or am I doomed to enter into darkness darker than night?
Here I stand with the knife in my hand;
Thinking to myself do I want to leave this land?
Do I go, or do I stay?
I think I must go for, I see no other way.
There's too much heartache, and too many tears.
The only things stopping me are my fears.
What entities will be seen if I die tonight?
Will I finally see the end to all of my pain and strife?
Will I enter into that bright, blinding light?
Or am I doomed to enter into darkness darker than night?
Here I lay with the gun in my hand;
Thinking to myself, do I want to leave this land?
I think I must be some kind of failure,
Because my problems just keep getting bigger.
So I place my finger upon the trigger,
And hope that my desolation will finally splinter.
What entities will be seen if I die tonight?
Will I finally see the end to all of my pain and strife?
Will I enter into that bright, blinding light?
Or am I doomed to enter into darkness darker than night?
There my body lays being entered into the ground.
The answers to my questions I never found.
The pain hurt so much and hurt so bad,
I had to end my life
I had to end it, no matter who it may have made sad.
So now I sit, stand and lay
With my body in the ground, and my soul in space.
Now I am here, wherever I am,
Wondering if I should have given a damn.
What entities will be seen if I die tonight?
Will I finally seen the end to all of my pain and strife?
Will I enter into that bright, blinding light?
Or am I doomed to enter into darkness darker than night?

(1997)