I Wonder If She'Ll Ever Read This. Poem by matt fromm

That you heart-ache?
I was wondering when you'd come back around.
Day and night having tearfull conversations with the woman I fell in love with.
I'm talkin 'bout the first one now
Not the other one.
Tellin her I wanna hold her
only to have the 3 years since I've seen her
come crumbling down.
it's all been in my mind
Though the tears are very real.
I wish you were here,
Singing how you were crazy for me.
Wiping my tears from my pathetic cheek.
Spitting Jack and coke in my mouth.
Your not here when I talk to you.
None of this is real.
OH MY GOD SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I AM STILL FEELING THIS! !

I
need
your
gifts that I never deserved.
I
wanna
cary out the evil plan I had after you flew away from me.
But I know I'm too gutless to even kill my self.
Jesus,15 years difference between us you say.
My 23 to your 38 huh?
My 45 to your 60 huh?
My 65 to your 80.
You'd still be my precious baby.
And I never cared you couldn't remember me whispering those words that meant so much in your ear.
I still miss you my precious baby.
You were so fine where ever you stood.
My love for you was bullet proof.
I'll wrap my lips around a 12 gauge to prove it honey.

Setting my charges at the base,
turning the dam of the world into cynder,
and flooding the world with the pain I wake up with,
go to bed with, and eat my meals with... as few as they may be.
I know you'd wretch at the site of the horrible monster I've become.

Something
Must have happened
When you watched that movie
For the first time in my arms.
CAUSE NOW MY SHOES ARE TOO BIG!
AND NOW
MY JACKETS TOO SMALL!
Chased with torches for 'what' I am...
not even for 'who' I am.
But, you know you made feel like a who and a prince.
Not like the blasphemus creation of Frankenstein.
All though I'm a burnned out freak nobody wants,
All though I've made a beast of my self without realizing it,
I'de still fall in love with your green eyes all over again.
I think I'm way too dry ever since I retired the bottle that nursed me back to life after you left.
You'd hate me worse if you discovered my secret concrete lungs.
And I'de welcome your slap in the face with a warm
forgiving smile.

So, when the smoke clears from my big empty living room.
And I realize I've been imagining our whole conversation,
even the part where you tell me I'm nothing like Frankenstein.
I remind my self
I never could make her happy.
No.
Not the way she deserved.
Now I know...
Now I know...
I know You don't fall in love with a 20 something year old drunken mistake.
A speed bump on her road to wellness.
Reminding my self I'll never plunge my love into her again.
And never again will we share the wine.
Still bumbed she lost my hopeless drunken romantic voicemail
I suddenly start thinking about my Suicidal Tendencies sweat shirt.
I wonder if she understood it was the only way I could leave a piece of me with her always.
Did she see that a fallen angel handed over his wings?
Did she know what it meant to me?
Something tells me she tossed it.