I Swear Poem by Jim Yerman

In a study released yesterday an advertising company found
That people in Ohio are the biggest swearers around.

Well I grew up in Ohio so Jesus H. Christ I knew
The results of this darn study, why, there’s no way they could be true.

So I devised a study of my own (not that anybody cares)
To prove not just Ohio...but everybody swears.

Simply read this little rhyme and fill in all the blanks
And we’ll see on the swear continuum where everybody ranks.

If a person keeps telling you something untrue after a while you might snap
You might look that person in the eye and say, Hey Buddy, cut the ____________!

If he keeps talking on and on and to his lie will not admit
You’re next reaction might just be, I can’t believe this _______________!

If you know someone who’s rude and vulgar, indelicate and crass
Would you ignore this bad behavior or call him a dumb _______________?

Let’s say you have to work with him, this low-life, two bit schmuck
Wouldn’t you love to look him in the eye and say, You know you really _____________!

Perhaps you’re more religious and your 2 year old’s having a fit,
I don’t think it matters what state you’re in you might say Holy ____________!

You missed the lotto by one number or you’ve been cut off by a truck
From Maine to California you might say, What the ______________!

Let’s say a young man is driving the truck and you ran into a ditch
Would you be kind and gentle or call him a son of a _______________!

You’re working on some home project, you’re using your little finger and you jam it
It hurts so much you try to not to scream but you can’t and yell God _____________.

If you knew even some of the answers, not to worry, don’t make a fuss
For it seems if we look hard enough their’s a sailor in each of us.

True this is not a scientific study; but bear with me I implore
I won’t publish any of my findings but I wonder, How’d you score?

I believe I’ve redeemed my home state and proven my point, on this I swear
People in Ohio are just like people everywhere.

So don’t fret all you Buckeyes, this dang rumor we can quell
And the company that published the study, you can all go straight to _______________.