I'M Not Who He Thinks I Am Poem by Ramona Thompson

So many sleepless nights
I have laid awake and dreamed of the death of our love
So many lies that I have told
Knowing that in the end the truth would only break his heart
All these years I kept closely guarded
This secret
His best friend
Once could have been his lover
Yet still I am a fraud
A guilty shameless fraud
Looking in the mirror and lying to myself
That it's all for the best that he does't know
I'm not who he thinks I am


A liar in love
Don't even remember how I got myself into this mess
Leading him on
Leading him astray
With tales of a life I have never lived
Only as a fantasy
Only in my head
Only to please him
Only to make him love me more
Want me more
Not to harm
Not to make him so distrusting of any other ever again
God no that was never my intention
All I wanted was one good friend
I never planned on falling in love
Now trapped between my lies and the truth looming ever closer
I have no idea how or when to tell him
I'm not who he thinks I am


Best friends for years
Always told each other everything
Always been honest
1000 percent so
Except on this one thing
He thinks I'm a Hollywood superstar
I'm afraid that he'll kill himself if he ever finds out otherwise
Don't wanna lose him forever
Don't wanna keep on lying
So what do I do with my heart torn in two?
Can't go on this way much longer or I swear I'm gonna go stark raving mad
Crying every night and every day
Wondering if someday I'll lose
The best thing that ever happened to me
The only man I know that I'm ever truely loved
How can I go on hurting him this way?
How can I ever begin to tell him?
I'm not who he thinks I am


Sometimes wish that we had never met
Sometime wish that I had just ignored his first instant message
On that wonderful awful night so long ago
When one little innocent white lie led to another
Dear God what a mess I have gotten myself into
Swear if there's a way out
I don't know it
All I know is one thing
Deep down in my hidden heart of hearts
I can't lose him
I can't go on living if he's not in my life
Then I think I would rather be dead
Deader even then I was before we met
Meanless
Hopeless without him by my side
My anchor
My love and my best friend
I pray everyday that someday should my truth ever be revealed you will be able to...