I Hate This! ! ! Poem by iron panda 23

I Hate This! ! !

Rating: 2.7


I hate it! ! cant take it! !
all of my stupid confusing thoughts! !
these confused emotions
my confused everything! !
when will i be able to think straight? ?
when will i fix myself? ! ?

My brain...
it...its trying, & so am i...
but why? ?
why do i keep failing? ! ? !
all that i do...i cant seem to do well anymore
its so frustrating! ! !

I cant take it...not anymore...
i keep saying that...yet here i am...
again...trying...
even though i said 'i quit'
i...i never quit...so i guess...
i didnt mean that? ?

People say this is
some sort of stage? ?
its apart of being a teen? ?
well i hate it! !
its stupid & i just dont like it! !
is it wrong for me to say that? ?

So its normal to feel so futzin lost? ?
so its normal to always wanna cry? ?
im not the emotional type...
so whats my deal? ! ? !
am i really suppose to have
those....those aweful thoughts
of...of no longer being here? ?
does that seem normal to you? ?

I prefer not normal...but this...
this isnt something im into...
why do i keep feeling like...
im not worth it...
like everyone is better off without me...
like im the reason for everyone's pain
like no one really cares that im here...
i dont believe anything people tell me anymore...

It pains me...to even think those things...
to think that in order to feel happy...
to feel safe...
that i have to not care about anyone
to not care about anything
to not care about myself...

I dont wanna tell anyone my thoughts...
i dont feel its safe...
ive got it all under control...
clearly i dont...but i refuse to speak of it
my acting skills...theyre so wonderful! !
ask me how i am
i tell you im good...im fine...
well im not! !
so dont bother asking! ! !
please...dont..im sorry i had to yell...
but...i cant do this anymore...
im confused & lost & i dont know why
i think what i think or why i hurt......its...
futz! ! i friffin hate this! ! !

~IP23

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iron panda 23

iron panda 23

a land of unknown
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