I Dont Understand Poem by Ankoku Gekido

I don’t understand it
I have everything I could want
But I’m still depressed
I’m still sad
I have all a girl like me could ask for
People who actually care
A wonderful boyfriend
A awesome house
A nice family
Yet I still cry myself to sleep
I still find myself curled up in a dark corner
Still think I am useless and do not deserve to live
I want the happiness that comes with having all you could ever want
The happiness I should have cause I have everything I want
So why do I still feel broken?
Why do I feel I should die?
Am I that lost
Am I that dark
That no matter what I will never be truly happy
Why must I be this way
So sad
So lost
So shut off to the ones I love
I keep secrets that I cant even face
Secrets that I keep locked so far inside me that I don't even know what they are anymore
Secrets that would tell me why I am the way I am
But I know they would hurt to much
Know they would keep me forever locked in my sorrow
So I will stay here
In this pathetic excuse for a life that I have
This lie that I am living
Not for my sake
But for the sake of the ones around me
The ones I care so much for
I will stay here
And live this lie
Not for myself
But for them....