I Do, I Will, I Have
How wise I am to have instructed the butler
to instruct the first footman to instruct the second
footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;
I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.
Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,
I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered
into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a
woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between
flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam,
I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people
one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other
And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or
the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate
And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the
windowsill, it's raining in, and he replies Oh they're all right,
it's only raining straight down.
That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,
Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting of
the immovable object and the irresistible force.
So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and
combat over everything debatable and combatable,
Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life,
particularly if he has income and she is pattable.
Ogden Nash's Other Poems
Read this poem in other languages
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
Comments about this poem (I Do, I Will, I Have by Ogden Nash )
Edgar Allan Poe
(19 January 1809 - 7 October 1849)
(4 April 1928 - 28 May 2014)
(12 July 1904 – 23 September 1973)
(March 26, 1874 – January 29, 1963)
(16 August 1920 – 9 March 1994)
(10 December 1830 – 15 May 1886)
(1 February 1902 – 22 May 1967)
(September 25, 1930 – May 10, 1999)
(13 February 1879 - 2 March 1949)
- 04 Tongues Made Of Glass, Shaun Shane
- Still I Rise, Maya Angelou
- The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost
- Tonight I can write the saddest lines, Pablo Neruda
- Invictus, William Ernest Henley
- If, Rudyard Kipling
- If You Forget Me, Pablo Neruda
- Alone, Edgar Allan Poe
- [CW]Watch The Flash Season 1 Episode 11 .., Renz Barns
- I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou
Poem of the Day
- Cacophonous eves, Priyanka Bhowmick
- MY SIMPLE TASTES, Hannington Mumo
- I Feel So Lonely/So Left Out Of It, Shalom Freedman
- Cliche, Rimni chakravarty
- Acceptance of peace., Gangadharan nair Pulingat..
- What peace accepts?, Gangadharan nair Pulingat..
- It, Lawrence S. Pertillar
- Wonderful world of peace., Gangadharan nair Pulingat..
- I Dare, H.M. Gautsch
- PH: Echo: Embracing The Future, Brian Johnston