I Can'T Spare A Square Poem by Randy Johnson

Please don't imitate what that damn Elaine Benes does.
I imitated her last year and the hospital was where I was.
While sitting on a toilet, a man asked me to spare a square.
I lied and told him that I had no toilet paper to share.
I thought that he would leave me alone.
But instead he started breaking my bones.
This ****** ****** was muscular and he was over seven feet tall.
He scared the Hell out of me when he jerked me out of my stall.
I spent weeks in a hospital bed because I wouldn't spare a single square.
If somebody asks you for some toilet paper, you'd damn well better share!

(THIS FICTIONAL POEM IS BASED ON A SEINFELD EPISODE.)