Anthony Di'anno

Freshman - 1,657 Points (Yorkshire)

I Am The Sun. I Am The Rain.


I am my own will-o'-the quantum mist.

My tempted fate abroad it's far flung door.

A cosmic echo within human schist.

A rippled raindrop crashing to it's shore.

Nothing but a flawed simple loving thing.

I seek no more than that which I deserve.

To use my own voice in the songs I sing.

To let loose my restraining dammed reserve.

Yet I ruin almost every chance.

Embroidered through my daily breaded strife.

I blindly stumble in a nervous dance.

Draped in my pity for this victim'd life.

Left to wring out rain from dark conjured clouds.

Else unwrap my true self from shriveled shrouds.

Submitted: Thursday, February 21, 2013
Edited: Thursday, February 21, 2013

Form:


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  • Bronze Star - 7,219 Points Daniel Brick (4/11/2014 6:27:00 AM)

    I expected this would be a pantheistic poem but it's not. It is not about the absorption of the human into the natural but rather it's about our identity separate from nature. But the ending of the poem forgets what is expressed in the first part. The speaker defines himself with honesty and humility: NOTHING BUT A FLAWED SIMPLE LOVING BEING, and then affirms his poet's mission: I SEEK NO MORE THAN I DESERVE/TO USE MY VOICE TO SING... That's wonderful, it's humbly proud, and it is enough. You've readied yourself for the poet's life. Can I suggest the part beginning YET I RUIN ALMOST EVERY etc. become another poem? That section weakens the genuine affirmation. How could it not? As a separate poem, it can express its doubts without damaging the purity of that affirmation. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 138 Points Laurie X3 (9/30/2013 11:54:00 AM)

    I think we all hold back and feel like others don't know our true selves because of it. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,517 Points Smoky Hoss (9/9/2013 12:26:00 PM)

    The metaphors of yourself as both sun and rain is tremendously perfect, I have known this complication, you do express the deeper side of living quite well, and your poems are certainly wonderful to read. Excellent. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 10,855 Points Soulful Heart (7/18/2013 3:52:00 AM)

    So beautifuly put in words..........the selfd tapped in the mob of endless duties and social webs...we just fail to unfurl the true self
    .touching...
    . (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 325 Points Danny Draper (3/14/2013 7:39:00 AM)

    Unfurl the shroud and breathe in life and strength and unity will with love expunge and replace with joy and happiness the lingering pangs of strife. Let the dance be that of celebration and bliss be your intoxication. Positive on let you dream and reach and your thoughts and dreams be light and fulfilled. A nice write, on the up from here on in. (Report) Reply

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