Holiday Humor Poem by Trevor Schulte

Joy fills the air
as smiles plaster the faces
in the season of rejoicement
of many graces
The bells chime in unison
as the choirs echo the church
gifts are unraveled
for the true treasures search
So much joyous effort
put into a time of love
as the birth of the Lord
takes position thereof
The many bells jingle
as the townfolk mingle
with the paramedics awaiting
Santa's slip on the shingle
Carrots and fruit bits
line the roof in a peculiar design
for little Tommy is feeding Rudolph
and is nearing life number nine
Fredrick peeks down the stairs
to look at his newfound skis
received with the hint of a circled magazine
and a month of eaten peas
Alice awakens to find a shiny tea set
at the bottom of the tree
That'll last a month I do bet
as Baby Joey goes on a tantrum spree
We see the True Saint Nick's attempt to spread cheer
being stopped by the cops
with the claim of drunk driving
and a sleigh of Egg-Nog cups filled to the top
Frosty the snowman follows his hat
that flies into the 24 Hour Fitness womb
he bends over and trips into the sauna
where he meets his puddled doom
The elves rejoice as they take their trip
into the California's Disneyland
but come out depressed and rideless
for they did not reach the hand
Mrs. Clause works her buttocks off
on the Slimfast diet
For it was her husband's yelling infomercial
that started this riot
The lighting of the Menorah
by the accompanying Christmas tree's branch
burns the universalist's living room down
in this wide spectrumed ranch
But oh the joy of the season
will continue to forever lift
until Mama will eventually find
Rudolph's unwrapped gift
Take this time of joyous overflowing love
and try to be a blessing
For don't be downing His season
with a time of constant depressing