Haiku-10 (Dusk) Poem by Saheb Mohapatra
Haiku-10 (Dusk)
The sun once gets blind,
And shelters behind the mountains,
With valleys of colored clouds.
another point could be the 'kigo'.. There is not a true kigo in your write, but that is not a real problem.. also a tiny minority of japanese classical haiku don't express a kigo.. Your write is nice, but if you want to label it as ''HAIKU'' then you have to respect the haiku rules.. ;) Cheers
sorry, Saheb, but if you want to write a haiku, you need to respect the haiku structure.. from the syllabic point of view, your write doen't respect the 5-7-5 scheme. Then, you should enhance the contraposition between the 2 images of the world/nature/environment.. Let's say a 'oh! ' - a subtle wonder, before the beauty/mystery of nature.. You also could use a 'dash' as a kireji to separate the two different 'ideas' / images.. Blessings
it is a nice write for sure - and I enjoyed it - , dear Valsa, but it is not a 'haiku'.. sorry..
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/24/2024 7:51:11 PM # 1.0.0.1119
sun-blind, colored-clouds, thanks..