! God! You'Re Like, Sooo Banal... Poem by Michael Shepherd

Imagine - if you'll
pardon that phrase addressed
to poets, of all people -

imagine, if we judged peoples' lives
like we do their poems...

your parents separate when you're just seven?
oh that's such a contrived, unoriginal theme...
it's been done, and better...

you've fallen in love for the first time?
that's so banal, so cliched; can you imagine
anyone wants to share that?

you've been dumped for
the first time in your life by
the one you've given your life to?
that's pathetic - can't you think
of something more.. creative?

your family washed away in the tsunami?
oh puh-lease - that's so -
so - Hollywood - what do you want
to be remembered for - Special Effects?

you're disabled? Can't you think
of something more - personal?
we've all been there one way
or the other, do you have
anything new to contribute?

you love your family? so what?
life isn't a Hallmark card

so

reviewing your life,
I find it trite, banal, cliche-ridden,
unreflected on, randomly commenced,
shapeless, lacking in clear theme
or sense of direction, unedited,
unrevised, poorly punctuated, lacking in any
metaphorical significance, veering uncertainly
between real, surreal, and fantasy
and lacking music, that's either
melody or harmony or
rhythm with 'em, and
far, far too much repetition and
and if you think you're aiming at
poetic tragi-comedy I can tell you it
reads more like farcical melodrama
and in all honesty
I couldn't recommend it for general release
even in a niche market, I mean, who'd
want to buy it even in paperback? and
I had hoped in my patronising way that
you could have done better
(though secretly pleased that
you haven't) - for God's sake, couldn't you
have left us something to remember
better than this? Just, done better...?

No, me neither



(dedicated to all those who've got the Tshirt...)