Four Years Poem by Bleeding Heart

Four Years

For four years of my life,
I was dead,
Yet alive,
All at the same time.

I was empty,
I was alone,
I was lost,
I was scared.

I died the day I saw my father crying,
On a picnic bench at a rest stop, because a man gave us ten dollars for food.
My childhood ended that day.
I was only seven years old.

That day I grew up,
Learned that is not easy,
And that people aren’t invincible,
Even your parents.

For four years,
I suffered in silence,
As I felt my soul dying,
And no one ever knew.

For four years,
I wanted to die,
To no longer be living in this miserable half life.
But I didn’t.

And then I prayed to God, to send me an angel,
A savior or anyone who save me.
Anyone who could make my heart start beating again.
Anyone who could bring me back to life.

And he sent someone.
He sent me her.
This angel from heaven, who had been sent down to earth to save me.
Her name was Emily and she was the one who gave me life back.

For four years,
I was alive and I could breathe,
My heart was beating.
And it was all because of Emily.

But then, things changed,
And I had to walk away from her,
This broke her heart,
And then she walked into the arms of a demon.

A demon who had hurt me,
Who almost rekilled my heart,
And I had almost lost my hope in life.
I lost my faith in others…and in myself.

I felt betrayed by Emily,
So I lashed out and said some horrible things,
So she walked away,
And I died once more.

I was empty once again,
But broken beyond all repair,
Dying yet living,
Knowing that I pushed her away.

But then, soon after,
Without even asking,
God sent me another angel,
But she was a fallen angel.


The fallen was broken too,
But in a single moment,
She saw my broken soul,
And I saw her’s.
So we listened to one another,
And she listened to my story and comforted me as I cried.
And I did the same for her.
She understood me and I understood her.

She suffered from being away from the place she called home,
And I suffered from the loss of my savior,
Of my Emily.
Of my angel.

She guided me towards a better future,
But even more than that,
She kept my heart beating,
She kept me alive.

Her name will remain unspoken,
For she is my other guardian angel,
Even though she was a fallen angel,
But fallen angels don’t want many people to know their names.

But she didn’t just save me.
I save her too,
Making me an angel too,
And I am honored to be one.

But then,
My heart’s beat slowened,
And part of me was dying once more,
Because of a cruel love.

And it left me broken all over again,
But I was saved again by my fallen angel,
And by myself,
But I still somewhat dead inside.

So I wrote a set of words,
About me ending my life,
And read them to a group of people,
And I saved by them and many others.

I believe a part of me will always be dead,
But I have the strength to stand up,
No matter how much it hurts.
I have found myself.

So now, I stand here,
Telling you my story,
Saying things that have been inside me,
Since I was seven years old.

I stand here,
And to you this maybe only some words, written on a sheet of paper,
But for me,
These words are straight from my soul.

I have just shown you all my soul,
With all its cracks,
And all its gaps.
All its breaks.


For four years,
Part of me was dead and the other was alive,
I was living but my soul was dead.
For Four Years, I Lived As My Soul Was Dying.