Sangnam Nam


Four Wolves


One evening in July
during my school vacation
I brought father's supper
for he had been working all day
that day
it was dark and I couldn't see
anything around me when I entered the farm
I heard this brisk sounds from nearby
when I looked at the place where the sounds're coming from
I hardly believed my eyes
for the blue drops of light were
drip dropping from these three or four wolves' eyes
as if they were the melted gold or melted iron liquid
they were drip dropping onto the ground
hearing my footsteps
the wolves' jumped over the barbed wire fence to run back to
the nearby mountains where they came from;
with father's meal in hand I froze there for some
minutes thinking why the wolves didn't
attack me and hurt me...
there were no electric lights in the fields
only father's oil lamp was the only light that kept
the darkness away,
I put my bundle in front of father,
which he ate alone with the lamp light shine
him and his spoon and chopsticks mother gave me
to hand to father,
I was in distance watching father have his late supper
it must have been a hard day for him working
in the grape farm for the whole day
I in distance was looking at him eat his meal
alone with the lamplight shining to put the darkness
around him away
I didn't tell my father about the wolves I had just seen
nor my fear of darkness
that day father caught a large snake and
I think he killed him
which scared me for the snakes usually
attack the people when they kill their spouses
so the female snake might come that night
to revenge her mate's enemy my father
with this fear in mind I spent that night
with father
finally the morn broke and I found this blood
stain on my panties
'Yes, I was right, the female member of the snake
family visited me last night and bit me in the buttock
so I bleed.'
Told father about it and surprisingly father
was not scared nor shocked,
he simply asked me to go to mother and tell her
about it
I followed his instruction for this seemed quite
strange to me, with some discomfort I arrived home
and with not delay I found mom and told her about
the blood on my underwear, though I didn't tell
her the story of the female snake or the male snake,
mom simply went to the room and brought out a bundle
of white linnen cloths neatly folded one by one and asked me
to use those when I have another bleeding
never heard of the fact but mom seemed to know
everything and that day went silently without much fuss
over the incident,
I felt for the first time I became a woman
with father and mother aware of this
in the toilet I kept looking at my blood
crimson red like a rose or some dark and red flower
smelled good and fragrant also was so happy to meet my first
sign of getting into adolescent years
that was 1973 and now I face the closure of the
menstruation in 2013 some 40 years have flown
before my eyes, the doctor detected a tumor
in my womb a common symptom for the women who
goes through the ending of their menstruation
now I have to face this too
for 40 years I have been bleeding once a month
how much blood have I been spilling out of my body
I am no longer a woman after this period is gone
and I will lose my vitality as well?
I don’t see any signs of period any more
it's been one month and still no signs
so I am no longer able to beget a child
wow you want to bear a child at this age?
Just some thoughts come to my mind if I
wanted I could have a child but
the doctor says it's too dangerous to have a baby
at this point of time
but how can I have a baby while I have no husband
to beget me a baby?
What are the babies for?
To continue human lives or to fulfill
God's command, flourish on earth and make
children as many as the number of the stars in the sky
Well, I didn't obey His commandment
so with no offspring I am closing down my
monthly cycle which made me feel a woman
now almost deadly deadened.
'The tumor will go away once there is no more period
in your system.' says the doctor
who encouraged me to have the surgery to remove
the tumor in my womb.
Now that I am old and gray yet
my thoughts are still the teen girl inside me
wanting the menstruation continue
but this has not shown this month
Oh well, maybe next month it will visit me
and say 'Hello! ' to make me happy again
but one never knows what might happen in the future
that was a good companion who visited me once a month
regularly, and now that won't come to visit me
no more, a little departure and a permanent one
Yeah, the departure is always a hard part of life
but eventually we all have to depart from one place or another
this day is my departure from the healthy monthly
bleeding and have to face the closure
more gracefully as the first time it came
with no story to tell but a little lump
in my womb the tumor which will
eventually go away after a while
what will be like if I have no more of the bleeding?
Some recommend hormone therapy...ah, that is one way
to keep life going and after that is over
I will bear no more of children of my own.
which I always wondered what kind of a kid I might
bring to this world, that will not happen again so
bye to all those potential babies of mine
who might have survived the long journey from a man's body
to a woman's body to enter the egg to be conceived as a child
good bye to you all!

00: 26 am
(January 19,2013) Korea-Japan Time

Submitted: Wednesday, July 03, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 04, 2013

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Comments about this poem (Four Wolves by Sangnam Nam )

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  • Bri Edwards (11/14/2013 7:40:00 PM)

    i almost wanted to say this is not a poem, but it has such flow (no pun intended) that i'll allow it to stay on poemhunter. how do you like that! it sounds like a good magazine article....but better. thanks for what i thought was pretty close to humor/humour when i read wow you want to bear a child at this age? . i never wanted to bear a child at any age. good thing too, since i am a man, not a woman. you fooled me with the snakebite part; i really thought it was true or the whole matter of blood was imagined, as you might have imagined the wolves.
    there were quite a few parts of this i enjoyed including:

    I hardly believed my eyes
    for the blue drops of light were
    drip dropping from these three or four wolves' eyes

    just think of all the money you will save now, not having to use sanitary products! think of this poem as one of your babies, though i suppose its creation took less than nine months. thanks for sharing. :)
    don't ask me why, but i plan to send this to MyPoemList. (Report) Reply

  • Thomas A Robinson (7/4/2013 12:20:00 AM)

    Wolves, snakes, imagination, and imagery.
    And of course time.
    Like the monthly cycle, life has cycles to go through.
    Birth, babies, childen, adolesence, adulthood, and old age, then death.
    We are constantly in perpetual motion as a dictate of time's manifestation.
    Does anyone really know how we got here. (Report) Reply

Read all 2 comments »

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